paxislandsystem

---Poem by Madison, July 10th, 2025---

There's a pit just outside the door
In it lies every possible instance of regret
Every big mistake you've ever made.
Every what-if scenario and bad coping mechanism
Every instance of shame that replaces reflection.

In each person's eyes lies a mirror to your insecurities
Every big mistake you've ever made
Every possible way that it was your fault, even if it's not that easy
Every way you wonder how five years passed that fast
Everything you can find to prove you're just that bad.

The floor stays in place
It usually has.
There's a pit just outside your door.
It has every advance you're afraid of
You've been hurt in the past
If you try to connect with someone, you'll return the favor

So just let it pass.
That was your only chance, and you fell out of favor.

And here you go minimizing your bad behavior
An urge to gain sympathy even when it isn't warranted.
There's a pit outside your door and you already fell in
The last thing you deserve is a fucking savior
That was your second chance, and you didn't pass.

---Post by Madison---

I was at a gathering of some sort in West Oakland. I forget exactly what I was doing there, but I remember this one dude who was present in the general group of people I was with. He was Black, about 5'8, and had a gray hoodie over his head as well as a gray surgical mask. I remember him kinda looking at me as if he wanted to ask me something, but he was more of a background detail than anything. I wish I remembered what I was doing in this part of the dream because I remember it being really interesting.

After I eventually left, I found myself walking towards downtown. The interesting thing about Oakland in this dream of mine is how explicitly it resembled Sacramento in some ways. It looked less like Oakland and more like San Francisco and Sacramento mashed together. I was standing next to someone's RV in what seemed to be an RV park, although there was no fence and no sidewalk along what had to be broadway, which was a Stroad in this dream.

Just as I was about to keep walking, the guy from earlier shows up and asks me if I could fill his glass of water up from the tap connected to the side of the RV and sell it to him. I looked at him with a lot of concern, as I didn't think that maybe he thought I lived there. My first reaction was that he was trying to have me scam him or something. The whole situation froze me as it just didn't make sense. Not too long after, a bunch of other people came up and filled up their cups from the tap, and I used this as an opportunity to book it up the street. I had Pax front because in this dream, the body took the form of whoever was fronting, and in this case I suppose Pax ran faster than I did, although not by much. Pax heard the guy shout "Hey!", to which they replied "Sorry!" while continuing their sprint.

At around that point, most of the dream was very dim, vague and in third person visuals-wise. I've noticed sometimes my dreams cut visuals before I wake up. I wonder if it has anything to do with my mild aphantasia.